Pricey diary,
Oh wow. Wow, Wow, Wow. I feel I’ve after all met the girl of my goals! Adorable, blonde, smartly dressed, a smidge at the brief aspect, however I will paintings with that – that’s what mounting blocks are in reality supposed for (clue is within the identify, peoples) – beneficiant and I feel RICH!
The opposite week she despatched me a phenomenal rug and a haynet, which I took to be code for a need to have me within the hay barn. This week she despatched me much more fantastic presents of a brand new headcollar (so she will be able to lead me off course), any other rug (this lady obviously desires me smartly dressed), a grooming bag (so I glance my best possible for her), a solid guard (so she will be able to stay me the place she desires me) and a big play apple (she desires me to be Adam to her Eve). Now The-Killer-Of-Goals (AKA, the mothership) says it isn’t in truth Lemon sending me those presents, however somewhat very, really nice folks at a horsey clothes corporate, however I do know that deep down that’s as a result of, like maximum moms, she doesn’t need me to develop up, meet a woman, relax and feature a circle of relatives of my very own. Now adequate, the unhappy lack of my Hovis child makers would possibly make the circle of relatives bit a tad more difficult, however we will be able to undertake – there’s an excessively sorry taking a look rat on the backyard, who I’m certain simply wishes a loving circle of relatives to forestall him putting out scaring the opposite mom to demise at nighttime. He’s only a misunderstood yoof who, beneath the parenting of Lemon and I, may just develop into a excellent citizen. Or if now not, I may just simply stand on him and lets take a look at once more with one thing much less difficult to straighten out – most likely a rabbit or one thing?
I’m considering of sending her some pictures of me taking a look moody and sumptuous for her to have on her solid wall, and even higher, probably the most AI imagery that probably the most nicer contributors of the Hovite Military had been developing of me. I say a few of it, as a result of I’ve observed some very dodgy ones which, frankly, are deeply offensive – anything else that comes to me both product of bread or taking a look all big-eyed and scared at yellow perils is not anything greater than an crowd pleasing act of sabotage of my popularity. I will best think some lanky thoroughbred-type is at the back of it and I inform you, if I in finding him/her, I shall do one thing severe. Like take away one of the most 200 rugs they’re dressed in to give protection to their puny posterior in opposition to the chilly.
Speaking of chilly. What the turn is she-who-makes-my-mother-look-rational doing to the elements now? After weeks of water boarding and the want to have lifestyles vests on anything else beneath 14hh, we are actually freezing our nickynackynooes off and carrying out a reenactment of Bolero each and every morning around the backyard. Why can’t she simply give us some great vulnerable iciness sunshine and depart it at that? Why the elaborations? She’s like nature’s model of Ryanair – can’t we simply have the elements identical of the flight best? Why do you wish to have the choices of a potted plant, lifestyles insurance coverage or a lilo while you’re simply flying from Scotland to London? I think Mom Nature stores at Aldi – is going in for some great iciness climate and ventures too with reference to the feared centre aisle. Subsequent factor you already know, she’s were given thermal kickers, an ice awl, a crammed unicorn and a survival bag and wishes the elements to take a look at them out…
In any case, I’m off to seek out any individual to take some moody manly pictures of me to ship to my little pretty Lemon.
Laters,
Hovis
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Credit score: Long run
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