I’m hoping you didn’t be expecting any checklist of favorites from me – liking issues isn’t actually my core competence. So, here’s my checklist of the ten issues I hate maximum about birding.
Owling
Julius Caesar it seems that mentioned, “I really like treason however hate the traitor”. For me, it’s “I really like owls however hate owling”. See, I’m a morning individual – getting up an hour earlier than break of day isn’t any drawback for me, even supposing break of day occurs to be at 4 am. However to move out birding after dinner – a horror. That is the time I need to be close to a pc, a lager, a cat, and a mattress – no longer out within the box listening to a few chook information’s rambles about how “this owl is typically very solid right here” whilst I need to inform him to close up and let me move to mattress, ungrateful prick that I’m. Nonetheless, they trick me into going out owling virtually each and every time, only for the minute likelihood of seeing this type of flying cats.
Being in puts with out beer
Thankfully, this occurs reasonably infrequently, and no longer essentially in puts I am going to for birding (the longest with out beer in my dwelling reminiscence used to be for approximately 16 days in Afghanistan in 2023, and boy, this used to be an extended stretch). Nonetheless, it simply took place to me in some village on Halmahera the place everyone is Muslim and thus does no longer consider within the magic therapeutic powers of beer. Remember that, I were given cranky and blamed the chook information although it used to be fully my fault to not fill up at every other village the place a competent (and probably within the eyes of the neighbors, unscrupulous) Chinese language offered the native Bintang beer.
Fellow birders appearing me their chook pictures whilst I’m birding
I will have to more than likely get ready an indication in a dozen languages (most significantly Chinese language) pointing out the next: “The explanation why I’m out within the box now with my digicam is that I’m seeking to take pictures of birds. It’s not that I’m on the lookout for a possibility to be proven chook pictures taken by way of other folks. If I sought after to take a look at chook pictures, I might achieve this from the relaxation of my house, with a cat on one aspect and a lager at the different – plus, the pictures would most probably be higher too. Thanks on your figuring out”.
Being advised that “it isn’t the most productive season”
There’s something mystical about the most productive season for seeing my goal birds – in particular, each time I’m at a given location, it isn’t the most productive season to peer that chook. By hook or by crook this sounds a little bit like Schrödinger’s Cat, although I’ve to confess that I don’t totally perceive the analogy myself. In the end, in such scenarios I infrequently want someone had the braveness to inform me one thing like “It’s precisely the suitable season to peer this chook – however you’re in order that damned unfortunate”.
People who smoke
Whilst the information that some practices are dangerous – corresponding to smoking or no longer the usage of seat belts – has been unfold extensively in some international locations, it’ll nonetheless take a number of many years to succeed in lots of the easiest birding places in puts corresponding to Southeast Asia, in spite of us purportedly dwelling in an age the place wisdom is the brand new black and it supposedly spreads on the pace of sunshine. Which in China can imply I nonetheless need to percentage a chook blind intended for 10 other folks with 9 heavy people who smoke. Lots of the birds visiting those blinds due to this fact die of lung most cancers, after all.
Leaf Warblers and Subspecies
If whilst birding I’m ever going to fulfill an especially sexy, wealthy, unmarried, clever, and humorous lady who presentations a powerful pastime each in leaf warblers and in several but similar-looking subspecies of average-looking birds, I may fake I’m too. Differently, I will’t be .
Being advised to be affected person whilst looking forward to a chook
If there may be something I’ve by no means been just right at and not might be, it’s to be affected person. This has all the time made the usual activity interview query “What’s your largest weak spot” a little bit awkward for me, as admitting to impatience is such a humdrum and predictable resolution that probably no person makes use of it anymore except they observe for a task for which being uninteresting and predictable is a robust asset (I pay attention accountants are steered to present precisely this resolution in activity interviews). So, expensive chook information: Don’t inform me to be affected person. Inform the chook to speed up.
Birders who’ve already observed your goal chook – however have observed it higher
You after all see your goal. You might be satisfied and happy, and may even point out your sighting to every other birder. In an instant, he (sure, it’s typically a he – this can be a testosterone factor) issues out that he has no longer simplest observed the chook – he has observed it 3 times already, as soon as in an abnormal location, as soon as in an abnormal season, and as soon as in an abnormal flock of birds. As killing this man is typically no longer an possibility (there are witnesses), you’ll simplest counter by way of telling him that he may no longer have observed this species in any respect, as it’s all too simply at a loss for words with every other, a lot more not unusual species (see my award-winning essay “How Wars Get started” for extra main points).
Driving as a passenger on a bike
In positive international locations (sure, I’m searching at you, Indonesia), motorbike taxis are nonetheless considered a non-suicidal type of transportation. I have a tendency to disagree with this over-optimistic assumption – sitting at the back of a tender native male and maintaining directly to his hips for lifestyles has restricted appeal for me as a heterosexual male. Sadly, infrequently the birds appear to collect at spots that may simplest be reached this fashion. Birds, you actually will have to be extra thoughtful.
Encountering huge birding excursion teams
Admittedly, my love of humankind – in particular its greater agglomerations – is restricted. So, it comes as a surprise to me when birding on a supposedly far flung Indonesian island, unexpectedly 4 vehicles prevent and about 12 birders who can simplest very charitably be described as middle-aged get out. After which pay attention to a tender, overconfident, and probably Australian excursion information very loudly mentioning the few birds within the house that also stay after this attack.
I first sought after so as to add “birders” to the checklist as neatly, however perhaps that could be a bit too detrimental even for me …
After all, birding additionally has its sure facets – corresponding to no longer leaving a lot time for turning into a heroin addict. However I feel it’s higher to hide those in a separate checklist. Be expecting a newsletter in early 2031.